When you first go out to get girls, or better, to practise your game, you will likely be quite scared days or even weeks in advance. I know when I first started going out, sober and alone, I felt like a massive loser amid the crowds of guys and girls who all seemed to have friends except me. Well, that’s not entirely true, I did have friends, but these, even my wingmen, were actually counterproductive to my game. My one competent wing, who was very good at occupying obstacles and thus helped me in field, was very much hit and miss when it came to going out. I was becoming dependent on others when going out, so much so, that if I had no one to go out to practise with, I would stay home! What kind of ‘new man’ was I, if I wouldn’t go out just because I had no friends to back me up?

It didn’t take long until, when my last wing bailed on me, I snapped. Me, a new man, striving to attract and seduce women the world over, staying in on a Friday night? What a joke. I put on the same clothes I wore on the disastrous Wednesday (turbo blowouts anyone), and walked out into the darkness.

Aside from the field itself, one of the main problems before you even get there, is the journey. Whether you are walking or driving, the cold darkness of the city streets can engulf any positive spirit you have left and you just can’t seem to see the light. Everything, mind and body, is telling you to turn back. Turn back, shrink to comfort, it is dangerous out there, if you approach women, X Y Z will happen. Stay in and watch TV like a safe little chode. Even though you know you HAVE to do this in order to get girls, to attract and seduce women and be happy, your immediate emotions are now sabotaging you, for while we are motivated by our emotions to align with others, we are at the same time motivated to protect ourselves from others. It’s a perpetual, emotional tug-of-war.

And here lies the paradox: the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.

Do you hear me? You MUST enter that cave. Put yourself in the line of fire. Go out to the place you fear to go, alone, and talk to a girl. Even if she rejects you, you will with each interaction, slowly internalize that nothing bad happens from talking to a girl in this modern world. Your brain operates a ‘better safe than sorry’ strategy after millennia of evolution where in the ancestral environment it WAS better to err on the side of caution, but it is no more. Where there is risk, there is far greater reward.

Each time you face your fear, it will shrink a tiny bit, so little that you think you could have done more, and beat yourself up because you ejected after one or two lines. Don’t fall into the trap of being a ’serial opener’, but don’t beat yourself up for starting small if you’re a beginner, either. How many guys can go from being hopeless with women, painfully shy and/or depressed, to just going out and facing fear , without friends, without alcohol? You would be surprised by how few can summon the courage to do what they in fact need to do to fix their lives, so give yourself credit where it is due, and realise that, particularly in the case of going out alone, it is very demanding and you need to take regular, gradual steps along the natural line of interaction from meet to sex as described in New Tribal Dynamics. If you set your expectations too high, you run the risk of overload and you won’t get anything done. So focus on progressive desensitization, facing your fears, working against the grain of your emotions in a slow, calculated, disciplined, step by step manner.

Love,
James