If you’ve read New Tribal Dynamics, you will know that a woman’s attraction mechanism does not select men based on looks as the main factor. However, this very important difference has been described in my ebook as well as countless other books and articles. What I want to talk about here is the actual power of attraction alone, in men and women, and the effects of feelings of attraction. I’m not going to discuss the already established differences between what causes attraction.

First: men. It’s very simple. When a man sees a hot woman – pretty face, wide hips, large breasts, youthful skin and hair – he feels instant attraction and wants to have sex with her. The attraction is a direct link to desire for sex with this man. Second, as long as the woman has those physical qualities (genetic health or replication value), he will still want to have sex with her, regardless of how long he has been talking to her for, regardless of whether they have a connection, etc.

When a woman perceives a man to have higher social value than her, she will feel attraction for him. However, unlike men, a woman’s attraction does not lead to her being willing to have sex with the guy. When a woman (consciously or subconsciously) touches a man to show her interest, the man thinks, “Shit! I am so IN! I’ll just get her number, organise a date and I can have sex with her!” After all, when HE feels attraction for a member of the opposite sex, he wants to have sex with her, end of story. Just like the scores of completely misguided men who think women are attracted to looks just because that is all to which they, as men, are accustomed, so many men interpret a woman’s interest (her outward signs of her inner attraction) as a ticket to bed.

However, it does not work like this. You can save yourself years of pain and confusion if you just accept this simple fact: Attraction in a woman is NOT ENOUGH. It is, like most women, FICKLE and TRANSIENT. Sure, you may have gained attraction, but if you don’t realise the HUGE difference between your (male) attraction mechanism, and the female ‘equivalent’, you will consistently be frustrated by the hordes of flakes you get. So time for the truth, listen carefully guys.

For a woman to have sex with you, she needs ATTRACTION + INVESTMENT + CONNECTION. Yes, she needs to be attracted, but attraction alone is like a gas, it diffuses very quickly. In the heat of the moment, when a woman’s emotions are high, she may well be fully intent on texting you tomorrow, but the next day, when memories and (for a woman) emotions fade, she will wonder, “Who is that guy? He was attractive, but we barely know eachother. What does he want from me?” For us guys, none of that matters as long as she’s hot, right?

Instead of generating attraction and letting your ego swell at the fact that she is tossing her hair at you, touching you or whatever, you need to find your rational mind at that moment, in order to remember, the ONLY reason you generate attraction in the first place is to get her INVESTED in you. And the only reason you want her to invest in you is so that you can CONNECT with her. And the only reason you want to connect with her is so that you can have SEX with her.

Why is it this complicated? Well, think back to tribal times (this is explained in detail in New Tribal Dynamics). A man can just go and have sex with whoever he wishes, with very little risk to himself. A man’s greatest risk is in the approach, while a woman’s risk lies in sex. In the hostile wilderness, a woman can’t just let herself get pregnant without some kind of reassurance that the man who impregnated her is going to stick around, protect and provide for her. So, evolution via natural selection developed a woman’s emotional mechanism not only to select for social value (attraction) but also to require investment and connection with the man to allow herself to be seduced.

You can read about what exactly generates attraction, investment and connection in New Tribal Dynamics, and precisely how to do it yourself.

Love,
James